Those days
by Obaka-kun
Summary: Lelouch realises all that he has lost, and all that he has taken away from someone he loves. Slight L/S/L. MAJOR Spoilers for R2.


**Warning: MAJOR spoilers for R2-Season 2 and Implied boyxboy**

First time writing Code Geass, and testing out a new more emotion style from Lelouch's POV. Not everything makes sense as this is not one of my better fan-fiction's, but I need to improve so constructive criticsim would be fantastic.

Hasn't been BETA-ed, but i have gone through myself and tidied it up.

Seriously, don't read this if you haven't finished the whole show. It will ruin it for you.

Enjoy~

* * *

It was days like this that I missed. When we could just sit together and smile at each other in a way that wasn't hiding the truth behind our masks. It felt like a dream, but I know all dreams eventually have to come to an end. I sensed this would be the last time we would, we could ever meet like this and the realization hurt just a little. This field held memory's for us both. Every time we had wanted to meet in private we came here. Always. If it was just to talk, or to comfort each other, or to kiss and hold each other.

When I had shot Euphy it was almost like I had blocked my own shot.

There was comforting silence, and we simplify enjoyed each other's presence. Soon the brown haired teen had turned to me and pressed his lips lightly to mine and I felt his hand holding mine, lightly but securely. With that I understood, I was one of the boy's last true friends, even thought it was a lie. A lie that would soon be exposed, and when it was exposed it would possibly crush him. Even now could tell that he suspected that I was Zero, but he was denying it. The brown haired boy straddled my lap, his hands resting on my shoulders while he gazed at me with sad eyes. All I could do was just stare back with look devoid of all emotion.

His expression became distressed, and tears sprung from his eyes, his grip tightening on my shoulders painfully, and his nails digging into the fabric of my shirt. He rested his head on my shoulder and started to sobbed openly. It was unexpected, and I didn't realise he was crying till his breathing became uneven and he started to whimper and cry out in anguish. I couldn't do anything to stem his tears, to comfort his sorrow. I was practically watching my best friend's life fall apart and it was my entire fault. I held him as he sobbed, my shoulder quickly becoming damp and hot. We stayed like that for a while.

When he finally sat up, his beautiful sharp green eyes were rimmed in red and trails of liquid stained his tan checks. He leaned forward and kissed me once more, his arms like a secure fortress around me. For that one moment, I felt the most secure I had in months. I kissed back lightly, touching his hot face gently. My hand dropped when he pulled back and his eyes had suddenly become dark.

I felt his sadness was now being replaced with rage. Rage and something else. I couldn't detect it, but another emotion was hidden within the gems of his eyes. He scowled and pulled back a fist as if he was going to smash my face in. I closed my eyes and tensed ready for the impact. But it didn't happen. When I opened my eyes he had moved off me and was standing up. I looked up at his back as he turned and began to walk away from me. His hands were clenched into tight fists as I stared after him.

"Goodbye Lelouch,"

It was my turn to cry and I decided it would off hurt less if he had just punched me.

--

Weeks had passed before I went to our meeting place again. I don't know what drove me there. C.C had wanted to accompany me, but I declined. It didn't seem right to have her here, even if it was just hiding in the shadows, watching for anything that could go wrong. It was quiet when I arrived; the only sound disrupting the peace was the slight wind which tussled the grass occasionally. It was always quiet here though, and I found it soothing. The grass had grown considerable since my last visit, but I had expected it too. I walked slowly to our usual place, the middle of the field of grass next to a large bushy tree. I wasn't wearing my Zero garb, or my school uniform for once. Just casual clothes. Black shirt, plain white top. It seemed to fit the mood. I sat down sighing and stared out at the setting sun.

It felt empty to be here without my brown haired companion. He probably didn't care though. I was Zero. The person who had killed Euphemia. The only thing I was going to be good for was getting revenge or at least peace of mind. I closed my eyes for a moment enjoying the sensation of the cool wind combing through my hair. Ha. How long had it been since I had felt as ease like this? Probably the last time Suzaku had pressed his smooth lips against mine. I touched my lips absent mindedly as the sun hung lazily in the sky. There was a brittle crack behind me and I immediately jumped up, turning around and staring into the sunlit field. How ironic. I had felt safe a few moments ago and now I was tense and ready to draw the gun I kept constantly at my hip. I stayed like that for a least 2 minutes, continuously tracing my eyes over the area. Nothing. Nothing else moved. No more sounds. I passed it off a tree branch snapping and sat back down, still tense and aware.

I was a wanted man after all. Life was no longer about relaxing, but I couldn't ever recall a time when I had ever really enjoy relaxing anyway.

I lay back but kept my eyes open and stared through the many tree branches which crossed over each other, creating small odd shaped windows into the sky, where bright blue sky and white picturesque clouds taunted me from above. At least my plan was going along well.

Silence reigned supreme, and I found myself wanting to sleep, but resisted the urge. The air was cool and comforting, the grass soft and welcoming, and yet I found my mind in turmoil. I felt eyes on me, and a few seconds after the feeling disappeared along with the sound of footsteps. I turned around sharply and found no-one there once again. Maybe it was just my imagination. Maybe ghosts of the past were just teasing me.

Whatever it was, I found it disrupting and left wordlessly. I wouldn't return till I had nearly completed my task and I had my comrade back at my side.

--

Months had passed. I was now officially Zero. Life was lonely and harder than I expected, but nothing I couldn't deal with. C.C was nearly constantly by my side, but the witch did little in helping with my emotions and thoughts. Soon everything I had planned to have happened was going to go ahead. My life was going to be completely torn apart.

Just like Suzaku's.

We had only seen each other as enemies since our last meeting in that place; always fighting on the opposite sides. I missed his friendship. I missed his eyes. I missed him. I wouldn't have to worry about that soon. He was going to join my side, through my choice more than his own. My life was nearly at its end, and I wanted to see him by my side one more time.

--

He looked perplexed when I told him the finishing move of my plan. I was about to win the biggest game of chess I had ever played, though I couldn't relish in the feeling of winning afterwards. I could relish in the pain of a sword going through my chest but there was always pain in my heart, so what did it matter if it became more physical then literal? There was still that un-known emotion behind his emerald eyes, as it always was now days. I asked him if would accompany to that place. I asked him if he could just pretend. I asked him if I could spend my last happy moments with him. I asked if he could just be my friend, even if he was lying, for one more day. The emotion behind his eyes increased dramatically for a moment before he slowly agreed to the proposal.

So a day before my scheduled murder and a day before Zero returned from the 'dead', we went to our place. We left late afternoon and arrived just as the sun was beginning to set. My last day.

We just sat together but we didn't smile at each other. It felt like a dream, and I knew it was. This would be the last time we would, we could ever meet like this and the realization didn't hurt. This field held memories for us both, but I couldn't recall if they were good or bad. Every time we had wanted to meet in private we had always come here. Always. If it was just to talk, or to comfort each other, or to kiss and hold each other.

But now it was a way of saying goodbye. This field represented what I had lost somehow. What we had lost. After today I don't think he would come back here. When I looked over at him, he didn't look uptight, or tense, or angry like he always did. He looked resentful and almost like he was about to cry. I hugged my knees to my chest and the position made me feel like a child.

Even though I had no reason to cry, I felt like I might at any moment. All my crying had been done so long ago, and all my tears for my pain had already been shed, so why would I have this feeling? I wonder if Suzaku had cried when he realised I was Zero? I looked over at him once again and found his gaze on mine. That emotion was there. It was always there, always mocking me! Why didn't I know what it was?! Why couldn't I tell?! I could plan a way to destroy the disgusting excuse of a world were living in, and also how to rebuild it, I could destroy my own life for the greater good and I could kill my relatives, but one stupid emotion made me stop in my tracks and wonder. While my face was calm and controlled, I was tense, the nails of my right hand digging into the flesh of my palm.

"Do you regret what you did?" It was such an innocent question, no rage or hate behind the words for once.

"I don't think I do. I regret _things_ that I did, but I will never regret what they have led to now,"

He lent back against his elbows and gazed at the setting sun. I stayed hugging my knees.

"What do you feel?"

"Sad. Angry."

Neither of those was the emotion was looking for.

"And hurt," His eyes met mine and I could tell that was it. "You don't realise what you've done to me. You've pulled apart my life in your sick little game. My life wasn't yours to destroy but now look what you've done to it," He frowned and pulled at the grass that was beneath his hand. "Then you ask me to kill you. I have wanted to slit your throat since the moment Zero... you killed Euphy. But now I have the chance I don't want to kill you, but I have to don't I? It seems stupid. All my rage has suddenly gone, and I am so tired of everything. In battle, you are Zero, but out of battle my mind still comprehends you as Lelouch," Hearing him say my name was bitter-sweet. It reminded me of my life before the rebellion.

"If I refuse to kill you, your plan would fall apart and everything that you have lost, that I have lost, would all be put to waste," Hurt was overtaking his features; his eyes filling will the emotion. "I am about to lose someone else I love but I am the one pushing them over the edge, and I cannot save them," He turned away from me and looked out at the fading horizon one again.

"And so I will start the new world with pain constantly in my heart,"

I couldn't find anything decent enough to say to his words, and what slipped between my lips almost sounded idiotic.

"You hate me,"

"I can never bring myself to hate you, no matter what you have done,"

I wanted him to hate me. Why couldn't he just hate me? It would make this so much easier for both of us. I could feel tears in my eyes. I wanted him to hate me, so he wouldn't have to go through the pain of killing a friend. I wanted him to hate me, so then when he killed me I knew it was his choice to do so more than mine. I wanted him see and kill me as his enemy. The one thing I thought I could give him to make him happier, and rid the hate and blood-lust he had in his heart had been taken away. I closed my eyes and I felt his hand on my check. He lent over, closing the 30 centimetre gap between us and pressed his lips to mine. They were only on mine for a split second, but the warmth was so familiar, so comforting I didn't want the kiss to end.

When I opened my eyes he had already moved away from me and was standing up. I looked up at his back as he turned and began to walk away from me. His hands were relaxed at his sides.

"Goodbye Lelouch,"

I could hardly feel the tears streaming down my checks and I decided it would off hurt less if I had never found out he actually loved me.

* * *

I know the begining resembles the end, and I hope that it actually comes off as good rather then bad.

Also a general question: What is the shortest/longest one-shot you are willing to read?

Personally I try and write about 4000+ words on my one-shots, but upon talking to a few people, they said 2000-3000 is a good number.

Thanks for reading. Constructive Criticism is welcomed!!

Obaka-Kun~


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